The union between a man and a woman is meant to be far more than mechanical manipulations. It should be meaningful and beautiful, a union of body, mind and spirit. God didn’t intend for a man or woman to be the object of sexploitation by the other.
In order for sex to become more than an act, a couple needs to be aware of sensations. The sensation of anticipation, expectation. The sensation of one body reaching out to the other. A brief — but lingering — moment for each to bring the ultimate in sexual fulfillment. This is their goal, our goal.
Since intercourse involves two people, barriers to sensitivity are almost inevitable. Some interfere with the mind, but they affect the physical response. Barriers include environment, hygiene, attire, and the lack of understanding and openness a couple may face within their marriage.
Let’s begin with the environment. Look at your home. What is the first thing that hits your husband when he walks in the door? An atmosphere of calmness? A feeling of comfort? Clutter inhibits relaxation for some people, so pick up that living room.
Two other rooms must be kept clean: the bathroom and the bedroom. Clean towels, a throw rug on the floor, a small vase of flowers, and crisp curtains on bathroom windows will go over with the man in your life. You spend a third of your life together in the bedroom (at least you should). You aren’t awake all the time, but the mood you set when you are may determine the quality of rest you get.
Do your best to keep the house the way you think your husband likes it. He will usually hurry home if you do.
Change your bedding at least once a week. Dust whenever it is needed. Make sure the bedspread and covers are clean. Vacuum up specks of dirt and lint from the floor.
Last but not the least, use candles or oil lamps for a cozy atmosphere. I give candles as bridal-shower gifts, and with them I tell about the beauty of love by candlelight.
While your husband is showering — get your shower first — turn down the bed, place a little perfume behind your ear, and light the candles. (All this preparation will be wasted if you use candles that drip. Nothing thwarts lovemaking like the smell of melted wax burning a dresser top. Use dripless candles or the kind in little glass containers.)
Not only should the atmosphere surrounding your husband be pleasing; the sight directly before him should delight his eye. You!
I understand what it’s like to have children and to keep up with daily tasks. Or a job. But you can try to have your face washed and your hair combed before your husband comes home. Better still, try to have on fresh clothes. When time permits, shower before he arrives.
Truth be told; Men are vulnerable. They may see many young women during the day who are dressed as if they were modelling for the latest fashion magazine. Don’t let it throw you off balance if your man looks at these women, but make sure that when he arrives home he has something nice to look at that is his alone.
Better still, your squeezable, warm, receptive body may be the only thing that will erase some of the scars of the day. Remember, cleanliness spells “loveliness.” Bathe regularly. Before retiring always wash the areas involved in love play. Dab a little perfume around the spots he loves most.
After a few years of marriage and several children, many women have neglected their figures or their wardrobe. Try to have at least one outfit that wow your husband. Dress in his favorite colors. I’m not saying conform to him completely, but do take him into consideration. After all, aren’t you dressing to please him?
Give special thought to your bedtime attire. And give some thought to your figure. Equip your bathroom with a reliable scale so you can watch what happens to your weight. Getting in shape is up to you. Watch carbohydrates, sweets, and between-meals snacks and the problem will be half-licked. To lick the other half, exercise by walking, jogging, or regularly doing simple exercises.
Frustration is frequent but normal. Lack of sensitivity is the biggest handicap; inexperience is another.
Tell your man how much love play you need, what you like and dislike. Be sensitive to his need for caressing — and learn when to go easy. You who have been or are married know how important this is. Don’t hesitates to talk about your needs. It’s senseless to suffer in silence. Foreplay and intercourse are more enjoyable and are deeper expression of love when there is openness and sensitivity.
Some women are super-sexed; others couldn’t care less. These are extremes. The important thing is how you can please your lover. Whatever you and your partner do is acceptable as long as neither of you finds it unpleasant or objectionable.
Glandular problems also hinder sexual adjustment. We tend to forget that intercourse is a normal bodily function. If too much times elapses between sex acts, a man’s semen accumulates and it may make it more difficult for him to delay his ejaculation. Thus there may not be enough time for the woman to reach orgasm. The problem of premature ejaculation may be overcome if you are attentive to your man’s needs. Don’t become too busy with trivialities at bedtime. He needs you.
Another factor that influences sexual relations is the menstrual cycle. Because of a chemical imbalance over the twenty-eight (more or less) of your cycle, your sexual desire will vary. Nature’s plan is to make you most interested in relations on the tenth to twelfth days after your period. Keep your husband in mind. His desires don’t fluctuate as much as yours. He is likely to be raring to go almost any night. You will receive enjoyment through meeting his needs.
The problem of infection can also impair sexual adjustment. Various vaginal disorders seem to occur for no reason. This is just part of being a woman. At the first sign of vaginal infection see your doctor. With proper treatment, your sex life shouldn’t suffer.
Most barriers to a satisfactory sex life can be overcome by common sense, sensitivity, intellectual understanding, and experience. The barricades can be swept away, if you’re willing to work at it.